Sometimes, I Wish I Was Dead (Possibly Triggering)

bulimiasux:

you say you want to die but,
you still put that seat belt on
and look both ways before crossing the street
you lock your windows and doors
you would scream if someone was following you late at night
you would run for your life
but you do want to die
you just want to die on your own terms.

(via destroyedsouls)

right thats it, im tired of this, im tired of being so fat, worthless, ugly, im just gonna stop eating all together, help me, i dont even know who i am anymore, i just want to be skinny, a healthy weight, not this whale i am now, if i was to die, i wouldnt really care, theres no one i can talk to, im thinking of going to see my doctor, but i have no idea how to explain how im feeling, i went to CAHM’s and they focused the whole 2 hours on my anixety which i refused treatment for, because they said that i just have to ‘get over it’, im glad nobody knows how i feel, becuase they will just judge me, i only go school 1 day a week and i know everybody thinks i just skive, but its the schools desicion to only make me come in 1 day a week, i have to do work at home on 2 of the days im not a school and i have to go to a commuity center on the other 2 days to do some work and to socialize, but i would rather just stay in my room all day, i dont like the outside, socity are just a bunch of bastards who put me down all the time, when i have to go shopping i just feel like everybodys staring at me, judging me, i cant even go into shops like new look and primark because i feel everybody looks down on me because of my size, so all the clothes i get i order online and most of the time they dont even fit me. im looseing my best friend because she’s a size 8/10 and she keeps complaining about her weight, she doesnt even notice me crying when she does, not because she’s putting herself down but for the fact that in my head im shouting, what does that make me then im a size 16/18 so most ‘popular’ shops i try to go in to get basic stuff like long sleeve shirts and skinny jeans dont even stock my size, because they think everybody has to be under size 14 just to look pretty. look. i dont even know why im typing this, maybe its just a distraction to stop me from hurting myself, even though after this is written i’ll probably do it anyways, it’s just, this time last year i tried to commit suicide by overdose, i didnt take enough to do any damage though, just a mild headache and tummy ache the next day but the fact is, i told my gran what i had done about 30 mins after i had done it, since my mum was in bed and she didnt do anything, it makes me feel as if, if i had managed to do it, would anybody care at all, the school didnt care, my friends didnt care, i dont know whats going on anymore, my mum had depression so she knows how i feel to an extent but im just falling deeper and deeper into a whole which i can’t climb out of, i just need somebody.. anybody.. please.